通過儀礼後は「赦す」しかなくなる don’t wanna reincarnate again




I learned about human weakness when my older sister, three years older than me, was hospitalized for a long time. I was a clown trying to comfort our crying mother.I was three years old.

I was a young counselor who sympathized with my mother’s sadness and comforted her. When I saw my sister rehabilitating after surgery, the little momoko was upset by the people I met at the hospital, and the same part hurt and cried.   

From that time on, I began to relive the emotions and pains of others on a daily basis.
I “feels” some feeling like a party that I have never experienced.
When I went to the crowd, I felt that many people were talking to me all at once, and I vomit and fever.
I have neuralgia due to climate changes and family emotional upsets, so before going to bed I wrapped the tow belt tightly around and slept, being careful to avoid into the sleep paralysis.
When I watched the sad news on TV, I was upset for half a day, and even when my emotions subsided, I kept thinking “How can everyone be happy?”
For me, the words of the girls who talked badly seemed to fly in the form of pebbles. When I heard bad words, my skin hurt physically, so it seems that I was a strange girl at school.

These are all characteristics of the empathy, but I first learned the word “empathy” in my twenties. Until I knew the word, I just wondered, “Why are there so many pains and pains?”

“Hearing” and “tactile” are linked to me, and the sound of words feels like I’m hitting my skin directly.
For me, the sound of beautiful words is the same as the pleasure of being caressed.
That may be why I was absorbed in Japanese poetry and Chinese poetry.
I think the reason I like to play with tongue twisters and onomatopoeia is probably because this synesthesia stimulates pleasure.

My family’s religious group at the time was forbidden to read anything other than the Bible, so my oppressed desire for knowledge overflowed as a print addiction.
With the momentum of reading a newspaper wrapped in vegetables at the market and reading all the books in the school library, I was indulged in the world of words.

I felt that living was full of pain. I tried my first suicide in the 5th grade of elementary school. I was 12 years old.
Because I could feel the remnants of the emotions of others, I was so sensitive that it was hard to hold the straps of the bus, and I played a role in catching the emotions of my mother, who had a lot of ups and downs. The world was crazy and chaotic, and defining and ordering by “words” was the only light for me at the time.

“God, please save my mother. Give me ten times as much wisdom as Daniel to survive us. Otherwise let me die.”
I knelt and cried, put a knife around my neck, and threatened God.
It was the voice of the Holy Spirit that stopped my suicide.
“I have already given it.”
The voice of the Holy Spirit was so clear that it instantly made me realize that I was “playing” a dramatic tragedy, and the voice was love itself.

“God exists!!!”
I was overjoyed and put the knife with laughter, “Thank you, thank you.”

This is the original experience of my thirst for remembering that what I want is not something of the world, I belong to the Holy.  

After that, left the cult, homosexuality(to be exact I’m pansexual), runaway from my parents’ house, alcohol dependence, sex dependence, work as sex worker, suicide attempt, abortion, infidelity, self-bankruptcy, etc.
After a half-life like a dime novel that became cheap because the story was overloaded…
I am married and living in harmony with my family as a mother of one daughter.Now I have a good relationship with my parents.

I’ll omit the episodes a lot because it’s a hassle, but for me, I think these events acted as shaman rites of passage (initiation).

It is said that there is a kind of rite of passage in the formation of shamans in all times and places.

Spiritual Emergency (SE = soul crisis) and Spiritual Emergence (emergence of spirituality) in the concept created by psychiatrist Stanislav Grof and his wife Christina, one of the founders of transpersonal psychology. There is a concept.
Spiritual Emergency (SE) is defined as “the decisive stages experienced as the hardships that bring about the deep psychological transformation of the entire human being.”

It manifests itself in the form of extraordinary states of consciousness, causing intense emotions, visions, other sensory changes, unusual thoughts, and various physical signs.
Many of these experiences may revolve around spiritual themes, including psychological death and rebirth, experiences that appear to be memories of previous lives, a sense of unity with the universe, and encounters with various mythical beings,and other similar subjects are said to be included.

Groff also said: “The possibility of spiritual emergence is a natural feature of humankind. The ability to grow spiritually is similar to the physical development of our bodies. Naturally, spiritual regeneration is a normal part of human life as well as biological emergence. ”

The crisis experience does not always lead to awakening of spirituality, but I think it acted as a Spiritual Emergency for me.

Recently, I was personally told by the Holy Spirit that “you needed to cleanse quickly,” so many events in my life were part of my plan to awaken. I think it was.

In my late twenties, I spent days visiting shrines and temples and places called sacred places as needed, listening to Spirit’s voice and being at the mercy of memories that seemed to be in the past lifes.
(When viewed from the side, it’s completely dangerous, so I didn’t want to be considered a dangerous person, so I hid it around.)

However, I noticed that no matter where I visited, the gods enshrined in the land said, “Pray for world peace.”
Even though there are many personal desires for Me, I feel that “the wishes of such a world are not’prayer'”, and I am struck by the words in front of these sacred being.

That’s why I went here and there to pray for world peace.
I learned to sing the Great Norito and various mantras,but
I was guided to pray for world peace every time.

“Praying for world peace is praying for peace in your heart. If you want to be happy, you have no choice but to pray for world peace.”
No matter where I go, the spirit enshrined in the land will say such a message.

However, in the meantime
“Your sanctuary is yourself. There is no sacred place in the world. There is only a place where you give meaning to be sacred.”
Was given to me through the words of Krishnamurti.

That’s why I stopped going to shrines and instead became a “life of praying anytime, anywhere.”

It was about a year ago that I met ACIM, which I am studying. This book really helps those who are serious about spiritual exploration like me and those who have a shamanic temperament.
If you want to know about the contents, you can read from this article.
About ACIM

I don’t want to reincarnate as a human anymore, so I make “thorough forgiveness” a daily routine.

There are many spiritual learnings, but I think those who are willing to learn ACIM seriously are those who perceive the misery of life and the ecstasy of touching the light of God.
As we proceed with this learning, a very strong ego resistance arises.
This is because the ego cannot maintain its thinking system when the world is erased, and desperately tries to stop learning and stop forgiveness.

In order to “choose to forgive” even if you push the resistance of the ego, we need to select;
“I don’t like these feelings anymore, I don’t want to be here!” And “I want the Holy Spirit to see this situation with me.”

To be comfortable, we have to heal our guilt. To that end, we have no choice but to focus on sacredness.
Others and self are holy ones who share the same life, and there are no exceptions.
However, the guilty feeling of being separated from God is projected there in various ways to create the world.

Redefining this world as a symbol of all attacks as sacred is the only thing a shaman and healer should do. There are no exceptions.

I think this is the Heart Sutra and Advaita, and what Christ really tried to say.


Because you are the one you assume to be an enemy.
Because you are a child of God and your true nature is sacred.
Sacred is not the antonym of unholy beings, light is not the antonym of darkness, God is not the antonym of the devil, and love is not the antonym of hatred.

A state in which there is no antonym.
Beyond “perception”, the absence of judgment and language, beyond the world (time and space),

The world does not exist.
You are just dreaming of the world.
The only way to wake up from a dream is to “forgiveness.”

I want to stop playing Sugoroku, so I plan to continue forgiveness thoroughly.













トランスパーソナル心理学の創始者の一人である精神科医のスタニスラフ・グロフと妻のクリスティーナによって生み出された概念に、Spiritual Emergency(SE=魂の危機)とSpiritual Emergence(霊性/精神性の出現)というものがあります。
Spiritual Emergency (SE=魂の危機)とは「その人間の存在全体に関わる深い心理的変容をもたらす苦難として体験される決定的な諸段階である」と定義されます。


グロフはまた、「Spiritual Emergence (霊性/精神性の出現)が生じる可能性は,人類に生まれつき備わった特徴である。霊的に成長する能力は、われわれの身体が肉体的に発達に向かう性質と同じように自然なことであり、霊的再生は生物学的誕生と同じように人間の生の正常な一部である。」と定義しています。

大変な経験が必ずしも霊性の目覚めに通じるとは限りませんが、私にとってはSpiritual Emergencyとして作用したのだろうと定義できます。